You got angry, then said or did a few things. You were critical, called them names, cursed, yelled, slammed a door, or worse. Then after things got heated, you shut down completely and gave your partner the silent treatment to punish them. Sound familiar?
Taking a step back, ask yourself, “What were you trying to accomplish?” Usually the rationale (even if you didn't clearly understand it at the time) was to get your partner to understand something important to you or do something differently. You were just following your anger on autopilot.
Now ask yourself, “Did handling things that way work to make the situation better?” Dumb question, right? Most of the time, blowing up doesn’t get you what you want. In fact it means having to repair hurt feelings or broken things.
You can do better. Understanding how you argue can allow you to make the necessary changes to have healthier conversations when you don't agree.
Here are some of the things we will do or learn:
- Inventory current problematic behaviors.
- Understand the relationship between our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
- Explore past conflicts, looking for opportunities to improve.
- Plan for upcoming events.
- Voice concerns in an acceptable way.
- Use effective compromise skills.
- Use effective apologies and emotional repair skills.
Should my partner be involved? It can help, and we can include them if you both wish. Additional couples workshops and therapy are offered.
Online Booking
I offer teletherapy through secure video conferencing as well as in person meetings.